Collodi, Carlo (Pinocchio)

The day promised to be most happy and delightful, but...
Unfortunately in the lives of puppets there is always a 'but' that spoils everything.


Lies, my dear boy, are found out immediately, because they are of two sorts. There are lies that have short legs, and lies that have long noses. Your lie, as it happens, is one of those that have a long nose.

Edison, Thomas

Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.

Chekov, Anton

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.

Twain, Mark

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Berra, Yogi

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Friends: The One with the Cat

Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is myMother.

Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!

Phoebe: No, no-no, she was a human lady. This is the spirit of my Mom Lily, theone who killed herself.

...later...

Ross: Hi! Listen uhh, this cat belongs to a little girl. There are flyers all over the place.

Rachel: I’m sorry, sweetie. (shows her the flyer)

Monica: Hey, we can take her back with you if you want.Phoebe: Ohh. Um-hmm. But y'know, she choose to find me. I mean, I have to respecther decision. Right?

Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel: That’s a good call. Right.

Ross: No! No! Look--Hey, enough is enough! Look, I am sorry that you feel guilty or whatever about spending time with your new mom, but this is notyour old mom. This is a cat! Okay, Julio the cat! Not mom! Cat!

Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross,how many parents have you lost?

Ross: None.

Phoebe: Okay, then you don’t know what it feels like when one of them comes back. Do you? I believe this is my Mother. Even if I’m wrong, who cares? Just bea friend. Okay? Be supportive.

Ross: I’m sorry.

Phoebe: Okay.

Ross: I don’t know what to say.

Rachel: You could.... say you’re sorry to her mom.Phoebe: I think she would like that.

Ross: (goes over to Julio) Come here, here, come here, come here, (pause) Mrs.Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me tosay that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friend’s mother.

Phoebe: Thank you. We both forgive you.

Rachel: So honey, what are you gonna do about the little girl?

Phoebe: Yeah, okay, listen, umm, Mom, I hope you know you still mean a lot to me. And you’re welcome to come back anytime.

The One With The Cat (Originally written by Jill Condon & Any Toomin and dedicated to the memory of Dorothy Kaufman, Transcribed by Eric Aasen)

Adams, Douglas (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of accidentally becoming your own father or mother. There is no problem involved in becoming your own father or mother that a broadminded and well-adjusted family can't cope with. There is also no problem about changing the course of history - the course of history does not change because it all fits together like a jigsaw. All the important changes have happened before the things they were supposed to change and it all sorts itself out in the end.

The major problem is quite simply one of grammar and the main work to consult in this matter is Dr Dan Streetmentioner's Time Traveller's Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations. It will tell you for instance how to describe something that was about to happen to you in the past before you avoided it by time-jumping forward two days in order to avoid it. The event will be described differently according to whether you are talking about it from the standpoint of your own natural time, from a time in the further future, or a time in the further past and is further complicated by the possibility of conducting conversations whilst you are actually travelling from one time to another with the intention of becoming your own mother or father.

Chase, Adam and Ungerleide, Ira (Friends: The One With The Monkey)

Phoebe: So, you guys--I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.

Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.

...later...

Phoebe (singing):
I made a man with eyes of coal
and a smile so bewitchin'.
How was I supposed to know
that my mom was dead in the kitchen?

Fforde, Jasper (The Fourth Bear)

Strangest Degree Course: Gone are the days when only traditional academic disciplines were offered for further study. A quick trawl of UK prospectuses reveals that Faringdon University offers a 3-year BA in 'Carrot husbandry', a course that is only mildly stranger than Nuffield's 'Correct use of furniture' or Durham's 'Advanced blinking'. Our favourite is the BA offered by University of Slough in 'Whatever you want' in which you spend three years doing... whatever you want. Slough has reported, perhaps unsurprisingly, that the success rate is 100 per cent.